This week I have been truly blessed by a speaker at RBC's Returning to Your First Love conference. Monday he talked about Jonah and that God will let you buy the devil's ticket and get hurt if it will draw you back to Him. Tonight we were in Jeremiah 18 - The potter forming the clay. The clay has to be found, freed, fixed, formed and fired by the potter in order to ever be anything more than a lump of clay.
There have been two themes of this week that really spoke to me. First, God still speaks to His children. He will make known His will for our lives. We make a choice to "arise" and get with God's plan. Second, not all of life's storms should be blamed on the devil. We are not perfect, God does have to mold and shape us from time to time.
Reflecting on my life right now I am not sure if I'm being fixed, formed or fired. This adoption process is really taking a toll on my emotions. I can't distinguish between God's direction and my desire. Seemingly every road block that could come up is coming up with us and I am beginning to wonder if this is God telling us not now or the devil trying to stop us.
I don't know anymore. Could we really have been so wrong in pursuing adoption right now? Did I misinterpret my desire for God's calling? I don't know. Please join me in praying for a discerning AND submissive spirit. If it turns out that this is not our time to adopt, then I am going to have a difficult time accepting that. I'm just being real and honest. I want to adopt a child. I thought it was a desire of my heart put there by God. Through all of this.... I just don't know anymore.
Don't get me wrong I still long very much to start our family with adoption, but I don't believe that is going to happen anymore... God is still good and worthy of all of my praise. I will continue to praise Him through this and all the days of my life. My understanding of His plans is irrelevant to His deserving my praise.
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