A Little Sad

To be honest, I fell very sad today. To top off my sadness, I have a ton of guilt about feeling sad. Last night while talking with the hubby I confessed that I am feeling a little depressed.

I intellectually know that I am blessed. I thank God for my blessings daily. I strive to be content in all things. But when I really peel back the surface gratitude I am left with frustration. I feel enormous guilt at my audacity to even be discontent.

I'm counting my blessings. I have salvation and with salvation comes all of God's blessings. I have my health. I have great family members. I have a loving husband who would do anything for me. I have food in my belly and a roof over my head. I have money for the power bill. We have all we need and many of the things that we want.

With all of those blessings how dare I complain. Yet I still find myself doing it. I'm like a whiny child who got the first edition of a new gadget when the second edition is out. I feel like God may soon say Ok you ungrateful child if you don't like what I've already given you then I'll take it away.

At the same time, I know God loves me and is full of grace. He knows in my heart I am grateful for what I have and longing for more at the same time. It truly isn't that I don't like or appreciate what I do have. It is more about longing for more, like a deeper relationship with God & family.

If I'm honest, I know my drive is God given. I just don't know that my motives are. Do you ever struggle with discerning your motives? Am I getting ahead of God's plan OR am I using my talents to the best of my ability? I need peace in my spirit. I need confirmation that I am in His will. And, I'm sure that I also NEED to relax.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!