Never did I imagine how much growing I would do while studying the book of Hebrews for 12 weeks! Twelve weeks ago the SS class that I lead elected to start a study of Hebrews using the study guide written by Max Lucado.
Lesson 1 Jesus Understands Us
Lesson 2 Keep the Faith
Lesson 3 God's Rest
Lesson 4 Jesus, Our High Priest
The first four lessons were fine and dandy. I was feeling pretty darn good about myself and my walk. Maybe even a bit proud... Don't you just love how God keeps you humble though, I know I do (Sarcasm just doesn't translate enough here!)
Lesson 5 Perseverance
Lesson 6 God Forgives and Forgets
Lesson 7 A Sacrifice for Sins
About this time is when I really started feeling the pressure as you may be able to look back through my post and see. Wait, you can't because I didn't post a single thing in February! That Lesson 5 on Perseverance really got me hard.
Lesson 8 Confidence in Christ
Lesson 9 Faith in God's Promises
Lesson 10 Suffering Serves a Purpose (Good heaven's don't ever ask to see discipline!)
Lesson 11 Fear of the Lord
Lesson 12 Serving Others
I have always asked God to open my eyes to His blessings. Around early March I asked God to show me where He was trying to discipline me. S.O.S. I CHANGED MY MIND! PLEASE STOP SHOWING ME! This is at least what I was screaming inside.
God has revealed to me that I am still an impatient, immature Christian who needs Him desperately. Those who seek to be enlightened should give Christianity a try. Studying God's word will certainly make you self reflect and grow as a human being. How thankful I am to know that Jesus paid the ultimate price for my sins so that I don't have to spend an eternity in Hell. He is our High Priest, the ultimate and final sacrifice, AND He is all we need.
Next week we start the book of James. The first two lessons have me a bit scared. Growing through Trials and Enduring Temptation. At least I have the Confidence in Christ to sustain me. I also know and believe that all we go through will ultimately work together for our good.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Growing Weary
It's been a while since I sat down to write. I must admit that I have been going through some winter blues. I'm tired. I feel like progress isn't being made in any area of my life. My faith which has always been strong, is weary.
I think it hit me this morning while I was teaching our Sunday School lesson. We are studying the book of Hebrews and this week was on Hebrews chapter 11 otherwise known as the Hall of Faith. God has always taken care off my needs, always. Why would I question His plan and timing now?
This week will be full of tearful pleads for God to show Himself to me. I know God has not left me, I just need to get back to Him. Please keep me in your prayers this week as my heart is just full of despair. I don't like it. I do thank God that this is not my normal and I feel compelled to pray for those who are depressed.
I think it hit me this morning while I was teaching our Sunday School lesson. We are studying the book of Hebrews and this week was on Hebrews chapter 11 otherwise known as the Hall of Faith. God has always taken care off my needs, always. Why would I question His plan and timing now?
This week will be full of tearful pleads for God to show Himself to me. I know God has not left me, I just need to get back to Him. Please keep me in your prayers this week as my heart is just full of despair. I don't like it. I do thank God that this is not my normal and I feel compelled to pray for those who are depressed.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Relief, Pure Relief
Today marks 1 week since we received the call that we were approved to adopt. I have had a week to process the news. I am so very thankful that God has brought this initial part to a close. Our Sunday School lesson 2 weeks ago was on perseverance. It truly came at a perfect time; I had started to doubt whether our desire to adopt was from God.
Our reaction to being told we have to wait until our 3rd anniversary has been mixed. I have thought about pros and cons, but it is what it is and we ultimately have to wait like it or not. On one hand what is 6 months in the life of our marriage? We are committed to each other and God willing will live a long happy life together. On the other hand 6 months is a huge chunk in the life of our child who will only be a child at most 10 more years!
The Pros:
We have 6 more months (at least) to work on our marriage
...to make memories
...to have our LAST vacation as a couple before children
...to sleep in on Saturday
...to take vacations no matter if school is in or not
...to walk around the house in the buff (LOL)
...to not be concerned with child care when they are out of school
...to not have to find a sitter when we spontaneously decide to go out
...to sell our home and move to the land
...to get my income up with the new business
...to buy furniture for bedrooms
The Cons:
We are missing ball season (if they play)
...birthdays
...family vacations
...milestones
...the first day of the school year
...taking them on church trips
...Mother's Day and Father's Day
Our kids are missing knowing that they are wanted
...time with their new family without the stress of school
...peace of mind that they have a family who wants to love them
...getting a new family before their next birthday
...stability
With all of our pros and cons we still must trust God. We know His timing is perfect. If God decides that we are ready before August or that our kids need us before August, then He will make a way. For now we must remember we have a purpose while we are waiting. Sunday's message was on waiting for Christ's return. We should be working for His glory. Always looking above and trusting His provisions and timing. While we are here our life should be a witness to others.
We will serve the Lord in gladness while we are waiting. Praying daily for our precious little (or big) ones.
Our reaction to being told we have to wait until our 3rd anniversary has been mixed. I have thought about pros and cons, but it is what it is and we ultimately have to wait like it or not. On one hand what is 6 months in the life of our marriage? We are committed to each other and God willing will live a long happy life together. On the other hand 6 months is a huge chunk in the life of our child who will only be a child at most 10 more years!
The Pros:
We have 6 more months (at least) to work on our marriage
...to make memories
...to have our LAST vacation as a couple before children
...to sleep in on Saturday
...to take vacations no matter if school is in or not
...to walk around the house in the buff (LOL)
...to not be concerned with child care when they are out of school
...to not have to find a sitter when we spontaneously decide to go out
...to sell our home and move to the land
...to get my income up with the new business
...to buy furniture for bedrooms
The Cons:
We are missing ball season (if they play)
...birthdays
...family vacations
...milestones
...the first day of the school year
...taking them on church trips
...Mother's Day and Father's Day
Our kids are missing knowing that they are wanted
...time with their new family without the stress of school
...peace of mind that they have a family who wants to love them
...getting a new family before their next birthday
...stability
With all of our pros and cons we still must trust God. We know His timing is perfect. If God decides that we are ready before August or that our kids need us before August, then He will make a way. For now we must remember we have a purpose while we are waiting. Sunday's message was on waiting for Christ's return. We should be working for His glory. Always looking above and trusting His provisions and timing. While we are here our life should be a witness to others.
We will serve the Lord in gladness while we are waiting. Praying daily for our precious little (or big) ones.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
YES YES YES
Short post, but WE ARE APPROVED!!!! Well we are approved in August to adopt. The State DHR department decided they wanted us to be married for 3 years before they approved us. So pending no major changes between now and August, we are approved to be an adoptive resource in the state of Alabama!
Super excited!
Super excited!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Provisions from Above
The last week of 2011 brought two very real reminders that God provides. I love writing down blessings (partly because my memory is terrible). Looking back at what has been provided by our loving Heavenly Father is amazing!
I plan out a pretty strict budget each year. I base it on our minimum bring home pay that we can expect each 2 week period. Since starting my own business this amount fluctuates a great deal more than it used to. This two week period included the Christmas holiday and I had fewer hours. As it turned out, our income was off by $140! I didn't stress, but it was in the back of my mind over the weekend. I got home to find that there was a $141 check from a judgement against Countrywide Mortgage. I knew there was a class action suit filed against them, (something to do with PMI payments), but I had no idea we would receive anything from it. How awesome is our God! His provides for our needs.
Friday I was driving through the neighborhood and found a dresser at the curb. We have needed to replace the dresser in the front bedroom for some time, but I haven't wanted to spend the money on it. This dresser is larger and more suited to our needs. It just needed to be cleaned up and have a coat of paint. I really thought I had paint left over from painting a bookshelf last year, but couldn't find any.
For those who don't know, Lowes and Home Depot will sell paint cheap when it is mixed incorrectly and the customer refuses to purchase it. Last year I found some light turquoise on discount and thought it would be perfect for my office bookshelf. When I left for the store Friday night I wanted to check out the discount rack, but didn't really expect to find a coordinating color.
I didn't find a coordinating color, what I found was an EXACT match! I don't know if you fully understand how amazing that is. We aren't taking a "normal" paint color. I found a custom mixed satin finish paint identical to the custom satin finish paint I bought a year ago!
If you aren't looking for God's blessings, you are truly missing out. I pray that in 2012 my eyes will be even more open to the provisions and surprises from God!
I plan out a pretty strict budget each year. I base it on our minimum bring home pay that we can expect each 2 week period. Since starting my own business this amount fluctuates a great deal more than it used to. This two week period included the Christmas holiday and I had fewer hours. As it turned out, our income was off by $140! I didn't stress, but it was in the back of my mind over the weekend. I got home to find that there was a $141 check from a judgement against Countrywide Mortgage. I knew there was a class action suit filed against them, (something to do with PMI payments), but I had no idea we would receive anything from it. How awesome is our God! His provides for our needs.
Friday I was driving through the neighborhood and found a dresser at the curb. We have needed to replace the dresser in the front bedroom for some time, but I haven't wanted to spend the money on it. This dresser is larger and more suited to our needs. It just needed to be cleaned up and have a coat of paint. I really thought I had paint left over from painting a bookshelf last year, but couldn't find any.For those who don't know, Lowes and Home Depot will sell paint cheap when it is mixed incorrectly and the customer refuses to purchase it. Last year I found some light turquoise on discount and thought it would be perfect for my office bookshelf. When I left for the store Friday night I wanted to check out the discount rack, but didn't really expect to find a coordinating color.
I didn't find a coordinating color, what I found was an EXACT match! I don't know if you fully understand how amazing that is. We aren't taking a "normal" paint color. I found a custom mixed satin finish paint identical to the custom satin finish paint I bought a year ago!
If you aren't looking for God's blessings, you are truly missing out. I pray that in 2012 my eyes will be even more open to the provisions and surprises from God!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Even in My Dreams
Do you think God still speaks to us in dreams? I don't know that I have the clarity of dreams that are found in the Old Testament, but I definitely have dreams. Sometimes I clearly see meaning in my dreams and other times I pray earnestly for God to reveal the message. This dream had a mixture of both elements.
Early Sunday morning I was dreaming about being at church. I was asked to go buy some gifts and come back after the service with them. I should have known something was up when I walked out onto a busy street. My church had been transported to some far away city, much larger than Montgomery.
I found my car and went to buy gifts for the children. I was driving along a road I thought I knew well. Suddenly the road disappeared and I was sliding down a slick embankment! There were people in front of me, young people who were navigating through the now wooded "road" with ease. I found myself out of my car and sliding along my backside down this forever steepening and narrowing now grassy path. I was thrown into a tree on the right side of the road and catapulted gently into the face of a mountain.
This mountain had a face carved in it similar to those of the Moai on Easter Island.The face was looking down making it an impossible mountain to climb. Geometrically speaking, the face of the mountain was an acute angle about 60°. I was praying for help off this mountain. I didn't see a way down. I had a prompting to climb up the mountain. I tried to reason with the prompting. "I can't, I'm not strong enough." I continued to give reasons for not letting go and moving up, but the now voice was still prompting me to climb.
After much debate I slowly released my grip from the mountain and reached up. I was sliding up the face of the mountain! With every reach I got closer to the top. How could this be? How was I sliding UP the mountain? As crazy and chaotic as the sliding down was before, I was now sliding UP in a controlled assisted way. My faith was building now. I triumphantly reached one had ahead of the other and finally simply stretched my arms out as if sliding down a slide. I now realized that God was moving me. It was impossible, but through obedience (or lack of any other options) I made the first move. The less I tried to control my path the easier the accent became.
I reached the top of the mountain and found myself moved to the top of my church, the one I had been trying to get back too all along. I was battered, bruised and tired, BUT I was safe. People came to my aid then the dream gets a little blurry.
How amazing is our GOD! I had a conversation just last week about my resistance to going through something. I told my friend I feel God preparing me for something, but I don't know what. I sense a season of hardship. I don't know in what area particular, but I am encouraged. God makes all things beautiful in His time. How precious and I to my Father in Heaven that He would comfort me in a dream! He will sustain us. He will move in ways that we can't even fathom. Obedience, submissive obedience to God the Father.
Early Sunday morning I was dreaming about being at church. I was asked to go buy some gifts and come back after the service with them. I should have known something was up when I walked out onto a busy street. My church had been transported to some far away city, much larger than Montgomery.
I found my car and went to buy gifts for the children. I was driving along a road I thought I knew well. Suddenly the road disappeared and I was sliding down a slick embankment! There were people in front of me, young people who were navigating through the now wooded "road" with ease. I found myself out of my car and sliding along my backside down this forever steepening and narrowing now grassy path. I was thrown into a tree on the right side of the road and catapulted gently into the face of a mountain.
This mountain had a face carved in it similar to those of the Moai on Easter Island.The face was looking down making it an impossible mountain to climb. Geometrically speaking, the face of the mountain was an acute angle about 60°. I was praying for help off this mountain. I didn't see a way down. I had a prompting to climb up the mountain. I tried to reason with the prompting. "I can't, I'm not strong enough." I continued to give reasons for not letting go and moving up, but the now voice was still prompting me to climb.
After much debate I slowly released my grip from the mountain and reached up. I was sliding up the face of the mountain! With every reach I got closer to the top. How could this be? How was I sliding UP the mountain? As crazy and chaotic as the sliding down was before, I was now sliding UP in a controlled assisted way. My faith was building now. I triumphantly reached one had ahead of the other and finally simply stretched my arms out as if sliding down a slide. I now realized that God was moving me. It was impossible, but through obedience (or lack of any other options) I made the first move. The less I tried to control my path the easier the accent became.
I reached the top of the mountain and found myself moved to the top of my church, the one I had been trying to get back too all along. I was battered, bruised and tired, BUT I was safe. People came to my aid then the dream gets a little blurry.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Seeking God's Direction
This week I have been truly blessed by a speaker at RBC's Returning to Your First Love conference. Monday he talked about Jonah and that God will let you buy the devil's ticket and get hurt if it will draw you back to Him. Tonight we were in Jeremiah 18 - The potter forming the clay. The clay has to be found, freed, fixed, formed and fired by the potter in order to ever be anything more than a lump of clay.
There have been two themes of this week that really spoke to me. First, God still speaks to His children. He will make known His will for our lives. We make a choice to "arise" and get with God's plan. Second, not all of life's storms should be blamed on the devil. We are not perfect, God does have to mold and shape us from time to time.
Reflecting on my life right now I am not sure if I'm being fixed, formed or fired. This adoption process is really taking a toll on my emotions. I can't distinguish between God's direction and my desire. Seemingly every road block that could come up is coming up with us and I am beginning to wonder if this is God telling us not now or the devil trying to stop us.
I don't know anymore. Could we really have been so wrong in pursuing adoption right now? Did I misinterpret my desire for God's calling? I don't know. Please join me in praying for a discerning AND submissive spirit. If it turns out that this is not our time to adopt, then I am going to have a difficult time accepting that. I'm just being real and honest. I want to adopt a child. I thought it was a desire of my heart put there by God. Through all of this.... I just don't know anymore.
Don't get me wrong I still long very much to start our family with adoption, but I don't believe that is going to happen anymore... God is still good and worthy of all of my praise. I will continue to praise Him through this and all the days of my life. My understanding of His plans is irrelevant to His deserving my praise.
There have been two themes of this week that really spoke to me. First, God still speaks to His children. He will make known His will for our lives. We make a choice to "arise" and get with God's plan. Second, not all of life's storms should be blamed on the devil. We are not perfect, God does have to mold and shape us from time to time.
Reflecting on my life right now I am not sure if I'm being fixed, formed or fired. This adoption process is really taking a toll on my emotions. I can't distinguish between God's direction and my desire. Seemingly every road block that could come up is coming up with us and I am beginning to wonder if this is God telling us not now or the devil trying to stop us.
I don't know anymore. Could we really have been so wrong in pursuing adoption right now? Did I misinterpret my desire for God's calling? I don't know. Please join me in praying for a discerning AND submissive spirit. If it turns out that this is not our time to adopt, then I am going to have a difficult time accepting that. I'm just being real and honest. I want to adopt a child. I thought it was a desire of my heart put there by God. Through all of this.... I just don't know anymore.
Don't get me wrong I still long very much to start our family with adoption, but I don't believe that is going to happen anymore... God is still good and worthy of all of my praise. I will continue to praise Him through this and all the days of my life. My understanding of His plans is irrelevant to His deserving my praise.
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